Spiritual and Non Spiritual

Do you want a wedding that is spiritual or non-spiritual?

Do you want your wedding service to be religious or non-religious?

These terms are confusing for brides and grooms as well as officiants and planners.
Sarah and I have personal conversations almost every week with couples who are struggling to create a ceremony that is inclusive of their families of origin while at the same time honoring their own personal, and spiritual or religious, lifestyles. It is not an easy or simple task in most cases, so we take those conversations with our couples seriously. For example, he is a Roman Catholic and she was raised Southern Baptist; she is Jewish and he is from a family that never attended or belonged to a church; they are both living in Austin and were educated in the United States but their families of origin are from India; she a Muslim and he a Hindu. Clearly there is careful planning to be done, and hopefully the person you chose to conduct your service is sensitive to your unique situation.

Below are some of our thoughts about the challenges of honoring tradition and religious upbringing, or lack thereof, while at the same time creating a wedding that appropriately mirrors a couple’s ethics, hopes, values, sense of family unity and, most importantly, their love and commitment to each other.

First, spiritual weddings are not necessarily “religious.” Wonderfully expressive language and high ideals can be used in a ceremony without the use of typical religious terminology. For example, couples can select prayers that are gender-inclusive and interfaith. In addition to prayers, couples can choose a wide variety of secular and sacred readings or poetry to be a part of their ceremony.

Second, religious weddings do not have to be filled with heavy or dogmatic language that excludes people or uses the wedding ceremony to be preachy or judgmental. Many Biblical verses and other historical "church-language" can be used in ways that honor a couple's family-of-origin expectations without giving up on more contemporary, post-modern ways of believing or thinking.

Third, Sam and Sarah are willing to work with you to find common ground, adding elements such as the unity candle, wine ritual, jumping the broom, remembrances of loved ones not able to attend or who have died, and participation by friends who read poetry, play music, or offer solos. Rather than belittling or giving one religion power over another, we feel this kind of dynamic interplay of religious values and rituals actually creates an opportunity for your wedding to emphasize unity within the diversity of your personal histories.

Seriously considering your personal differences, and ours, is an honest and honorable opportunity for us to work together to create something our world sorely needs—families, and thus communities, built on mutual respect, trust and love, and not divided or alienated by or for the sake of religion.

Our goals are not about imposition of our own religious traditions on you at this special time in your lives, but rather to use our time together to explore all the wild possibilities presented by our diverse experiences and perspectives.

Have I raised questions yet unanswered for you? Write us. Let’s chat.
Peace,
Sam Riccobene